Flylady, Perfectionism and All-or-Nothingness

Of course, when I started reading Flylady’s encouraging words many, many months ago, I easily recognized in myself how perfectionism was keeping me from maintaining a tidy and peaceful home. What’s fascinating to me is how this theme of perfectionism–and its negative consequences–continues to be a source of new insights for me. Want to hear my latest insight? I thought you would.

Now, this is rather a glimmering insight, so I’ll probably have more revelation about it later on, but here’s a start, anyway. I can see how the all-or-nothingness associated with perfectionism has manifested itself in my life for most of my life, even in “good” areas of my life. For example, right now I am enjoying getting acquainted (online) with other gals who will be attending a creative weekend in the fall with me. I find myself, however, wanting to plunge whole-heartedly into this creative side of myself. It’s an urge I’ve always had to give my all to a specific area of my life, to whole-heartedly embrace a project, a denomination, an organization, a concept.

The glimmer of revelation I had today was that when I whole-heartedly embrace, I am usually somehow disappointed because I have gone to the emotional effort of putting all of my eggs in that one basket. Then I find that the project/denomination/ organization/concept actually involves real people, like me, and has its own weaknesses. It doesn’t live up to my expectations. Ah! The double-whammy of perfectionism: all-or-nothing PLUS impossible expectations.

And today I kept thinking about how I am a multi-faceted person, uniquely made by God with a unique combination of strengths and gifts and bents. If I hyper-focus my multi-faceted self on ONE of those interests, I also neglect the other areas of my personality. Is any of this making sense?

Well, the basic conclusion to which I came in my glimmering revelation is that God designed me to have a lot of different interests and abilities AND responsibilities and I am to healthily balance all of them and keep them in perspective. I am not to hyper-focus on my Flylady chores to the neglect of my creative side. I am not to hyper-focus on my new MOPS responsibilities to the neglect of my family’s quality time, etc., etc., etc.

And the BIG reminder that I had today was that God is the only person to which I can give myself whole-heartedly without any chance of disappointment. He alone is perfect. And HE keeps me balanced within the multi-faceted personality he has given me.

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Tags: all or-nothing