God Breeze

In the middle of our rather intense 4-H schedule, I am having a major God Breeze. Maybe if I write it down, I can understand it a little more. And since those of you reading this have some understanding about how perfectionism relates to Flylady, maybe it will make a little sense.

Out of the blue last night, I started thinking about how a perfectionist strives to achieve perfection to be loved. If I am perfect, then I deserve to be loved. IF I reach a point that I consider “perfection” in some area of my life (for example, housekeeping or weight or grades in school), then, I deserve to be loved. If, when I reach that point of perfection, I do NOT receive what I perceive as love, then, I think deep inside, my mind cannot reconcile that. It is far too dichotomous.

So, subconsciously, I start to undermine myself. That way, if I have a messy house or gain weight or don’t have perfect grades, I then deserve the lack of perceived love I am receiving. And I think that PERCEIVED is important, here, because, first of all, my idea of what love is may or may not have anything to do with what others’ ideas of love are. Second, we live in a fallen world which is, guess what, not PERFECT. Outside of God, no one in this world can perfectly give me the love I subconsciously think I deserve…when I’m “perfect.”

Why is this important? Well, I think God is inching me toward Finally Loving Yourself (FLYing) so that I can get myself out of the way and Finally Love Others (FLOing?) with HIS love. Interesting, very interesting.

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